Our 3rd wedding anniversary present

Mood: Thankful

I just noticed this is my first post this year.. HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I'm late! hahaha

We, my best friend and I, recently celebrated our 3rd anniversary together.. granted, we're still pretty early to the whole marriage thing, but every anniversary should count, right? it just means that we've made it through another year of sadness, happiness and a million other feelings together, that we haven't given up on each other.. so it deserves to be celebrated.. :)

February 2, 2013

we got married, the akad and wedding ceremony was done together with my sister.. so two newlyweds.. the thing is, since the marriage, my sis and her husband were gifted with 2 beautiful baby girls.. I'm not really fully jealous, coz I know everyone has their own written 'rezeki' from Allah s.w.t and their timings.. but what hurt me were the comments I got from people.. 

'oh you've been married for so long and still don't have kids?'

'your sis has 2 kids already, when will you get one?' - not like I can go to the shopping mall and buy one.. pfttt..

'my friend just got married 3 months ago and she's already pregnant.. why is it late for you?'

I tried a lot of things; knowing my period cycle, my most fertile day, the foods to eat to help with fertilization, talked to people who got kids later in their marriage, etc. I fall short of seeing an expert and proper clinical testing coz we decided if 3 years after marriage and we still are not pregnant, THEN we will see an expert.. till then we'll just try out different things.. you have no idea the sadness and stress I felt after my period came every month, after all the trying and there were no results.. once I was so devastated, I told my husband he can marry another woman who can give him babies, coz I was so convinced that I was infertile, probably from all the kicks I got when I practiced Taekwondo, or that fall off a fast horse when I was in UUM.. I have no recollection of my offer to him, of course, but I guess I was just so stressed and gave up on myself.. hahaha..

but Allah s.w.t. knows best..

I was 1 day late for my period in November 2015.. after seriously trying for 8 months straight, could it be? am I really..? wait no, don't put too much hope in this.. you've had this before, 3 days late and then your period came.. remember how crushed you felt when that happened?. don't put too much hope.. so I continued with the day like normal but I made a promise, a 'nazar'.. if I'm pregnant this month, I'll fast for 3 days.. finally after 5 days being late, on 10 November I peed on the stick, the home pregnancy test.. the result was a faint positive.. I was elated!! Alhamdulillah ya Allah!! but just to be sure, we went to a clinic and had one of those tests and it was a strong positive, I was 5 weeks pregnant.. telling our parents was the fun part.. I shed tears of joy, even just telling my mum over the phone.. I also did sujud syukur.. 

I didn't share the news right away with people, since it's said that anything can happen during the first trimester.. only a handful knew, mostly family members.. we finally decided to announce on facebook on our anniversary date, 1 February.. below is a copy paste of the announcement.. 

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Alhamdulillah, hari ini genap 3 tahun perkahwinan bersama suami, Khairul Anwar Mustapa. A year older, a year wiser, a year closer together InsyaAllah. Tahun nih Allah s.w.t kurniakan hadiah kepada kami, setelah 3 tahun menunggu akhirnya rezeki saya dan suami kunjung jua. We are 16 weeks pregnant, Alhamdulillah.

Terima kasih kepada semua yang mendoakan yang terbaik untuk kami, InsyaAllah kami akan menjaga anugerah Allah ini sebaik mungkin. Kepada yang masih menunggu anugerah mereka, bersabarlah dan jangan putus asa meminta padaNya. Saya akan doakan untuk awak pula. 

smile emoticon

The bun is in the oven. ‪#‎BabyN‬ is coming in July, InsyaAllah.

Credit to @feshnie for the photo.

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and now I'm fatter.. hahaha

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I once said to myself; "just because you're married, you can't lose yourself and get fat. The only way you can be fat is if you're pregnant".

Hence Allah granted my wish. Saya telah mengembang dengan jayanya, thanks to #BabyN. I am the heaviest than I have ever been in my entire life, but it's okay. All for the joy that is in my belly. Will have to work hard to tone back down after the baby comes.

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I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant, Alhamdulillah..