Saturday, October 26, 2013

eh, don't you guys fight?

Mood : bliss

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. and hello! How are yo on this fine Saturday evening? me? I'm good, Alhamdulillah.. :)

it's been about 8 months since I changed my status from single to being married, and the most questions I get are; 
1) "What's the difference before and after marriage?"
2) "you guys always look so happy together, don't you guys ever fight?"
3) " OMG Najmie you're so fat now, what is your husband feeding you?!"

so today I'm kinda feeling like in the mood to answer the 2nd question; don't you guys ever fight? and the answer is......... Yes, we do fight sometimes.. I mean, it really is a no brainer.. if you can get into quarrels with your parents and siblings - you own flesh and blood - what's stopping you from having an argument or two with you husband or wife? I mean, up till nikah, he/she was living separately from you, practically a stranger.. you don't know what his/her bad habits are, sleeping pattern, whether he/she is actually a slob or bad tempered and God knows what else.. imagine the shock or surprise when you move in to live together for the first time.. I mean, speaking from experience, it really is something else..

I finally understand why some marriages don't work out.. when you were dating, would you show your bad side to your girlfriend/boyfriend? were you truly yourself during the getting to know period of your relationship? sometimes, it is a big shock to people when they move in together and found out that all the things the guy/girl have been saying about himself/herself was not entirely true.. then they have arguments, sometimes so big that it ends their marriage.. so yeah..

hubby and me..

I remember my first argument with my husband.. it was seriously over a small and simple thing, 3 weeks in after our nikah.. thinking about it now is even making me smile and laugh a little.. haha.. :)  we got back from IKEA, we bought a kitchen rack and some small household items.. you see, my style of work is, get everything done first and then you can rest for as long as you want.. but for my husband, he is the exact opposite.. he wants to rest first once we got back home, and then later work on getting the rack together..  so the story was, I was tired but excited to start working on the assembly project.. I started cleaning and making space in the kitchen right after we walked through the front door, expecting my husband to share my enthusiasm.. so what was he doing? resting on the beanbag chair watching a video on his laptop.. I thought, okay, maybe let him rest for a few minutes and later call him to help.. I called him and started trying to persuade him to come to the kitchen.. he told me he was tired and we could just do it tomorrow.. being the stubborn me, I pushed on, begging and giving reason to why we should do it NOW and not later.. 

The thing with my husband, he's hard headed like his wife is too.. he said no and that just got me to shut up at that time.. and in my head, I was thinking, what was so wrong to do it now? why not do it now and get the task out of the way so we both can enjoy the day tomorrow?.. I could not comprehend the WHY NOT NOW question.. I gave it a few more minutes and asked the same questions again.. he asked me, do you think I have the energy to do that now? do you think it's easy to set up the thing? do you think I am in the mood to do that right now? why can't you understand me and what I want?  why must you be so stubborn? why can't you just let it go? I said we'll do it tomorrow and that's the end of that! 

and that, my friends, is our first ever fight.. haha.. lawak kan? 

I broke down in tears that night, questioning myself, "am I a bad wife? why can't I ever do anything right? does he hate me now? I bet he's regretting that he ever married me.."

The fight didn't last long tho.. 5 minutes after I started crying, he came and held me.. he told me his style of work, that all he wanted to do was rest first and tackle the kitchen rack later.. he said it's not that he didn't want to do it there and then, he just was not in the mood to do it and he hoped I understand.. I cried and cried and told him about my style of work.. he smiled and said; "opposites do attract.."

we kissed and made up.. to make me happy, we started working on the rack that night with puffy eyes.. yes, we both cried like babies coz we though we don't like each other anymore.. turns out it was just a small fight.. hahaha.. but from that I realized that everyone has their own way of doing things and it is up to me to find out what it is.. especially when that someone is my husband.. they key to solving any dispute is by direct communication.. talk about it, tell each other what you feel.. insyaAllah everything will work out.. don't keep it bottled up, you're the only one who's going to suffer..

we do have arguments and fights every now and then but nothing to change our love for each other, Alhamdulillah.. I am still in the process of understanding my husband and I sometimes annoy him to the end of the earth, but he always comes back.. he told me once, "there is no way you're gonna get away from me, you are my wife till Jannah and I won't accept anything less.. I'll do my best to make you happy.. "



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