Sunday, October 12, 2014

single vs married

Mood : inspired

Assalamualaikum & hello!

I just remembered I promised to blog about this topic to a blog reader of mine about a year ago, after I ended my "singlehood". I never actually got to the posting part so here I am sharing my 25 years of singlehood vs my 20 months of married life. :D if you are married, you might relate to some of the changes but again, it's just me sharing from my experience.. hehe

1. Time Management

When I was single, I didn't really have to plan my time, especially my daily time and I can do anything I wanted.. if I wanted to hang out with my friends after class, I'd just go and hang out with them without having to report to anyone.. I can follow my own time without having to think or work my schedule around someone else's and compromising what I wanted to do..

but once I became a Mrs, I had to compromise and plan my time and schedule so I can match my husbands.. if he plans to do something next week, I would need to include or change my initial plan to match his.. if we had 2 wedding invitations from our friends, we'd have to plan to go to which ones first and so on and so forth.. if I wanted to do something, I'd have to get his consent and if I'm lucky, he'd let me go alone..

2. Reporting

When I was single, I didn't have to report my whereabouts to anyone.. I come and go as I please and no one had to worry who I was with and where I was (coz I'd be in UUM, kecik ja pun.. LOL) I can hang out with whoever I wanted whenever I wanted,  well, except if I go out at night, I would inform my mum before I leave home..

Once I married, I had to ask for my husband's permission before I go out.. I can't just leave home without my husband knowing where I'm going and who I'd be with.. I have to let him know my daily whereabouts, except from 9am to 6pm on weekdays, since he knows I'll be at work.. I have to report my whereabouts and inform him when I leave point A and arrive at point B.. I don't blame him for worrying, I worry a lot about him too, especially when he's out riding his motorbike.. 

3. Cooking & Cleaning

Being single means I rarely (almost never) cook at home.. like seriously.. when I was studying, I didn't stay in hostel, I stayed at home with my mum since we lived on campus.. it's just more convenient for me, plus I had my Hot Red (my kancil car which is red in colour, hence the name) which made it easy for me to commute to class.. I would eat breakfast & lunch at the cafe and when I came home, mum would have cooked up something for dinner.. as for the cleaning, I sometimes help to sweep the floor, arrange stuff and made sure the house doesn't look too messy, take out the garbage when it's too smelly, stuff like that.. I would clean, I think 1 or 2 times a week.. hahaha

Once I married, I am in charge of the whole house! OMG, it means the cleaning of ever nook and cranny of every room, throw out garbage, do the dishes, do the laundry, EVERYTHING.. hubby helps out once in a blue moon, but he does all the heavy lifting and assembly of our IKEA furniture, putting up the blinds in the wet kitchen, bring up the groceries (we live on the 5th floor without elevators/lifts) so I think it's an okay deal.. but of course I would love to get more help tho..

4. Driving

Being single and owning a car (it's my mum's but I drove it so it's mine la, kan?) I drove myself everywhere.. to class, to meetings, to shopping, to dining, to everywhere lah.. even if I went out with my mum, I'd be driving instead of her.. oh did I mention I am a 'gila steering' person?

Once married, my husband drives me everywhere.. if we planned to go to Sunway Pyramid, he'd be the driver, if we planned to go to my friends wedding in Kuantan, he'd be the driver, if we wanted to go buy groceries, he'd be the driver.. the only exception for me to drive is when I commute to work and when he's not feeling well, other than that, he'd be the person behind the steering wheel.. I have no complaints on this arrangement.. :D

5. Buying Clothing

When I was single, if I liked something I see and it fits just nice and flatters my body, I'd buy it in a heartbeat.. as long as it didn't hurt my wallet too much la.. I didn't have to consult with anyone, I mean it's my money after all, right? so I can spend it on anything I wanted.. ;)

Being married to my husband means he has the rights to agree or disagree with the clothing choices I make.. I admit, even though I am a Muslim, I don't previously dress like a good Muslim.. I loved to show my curves and didn't cover my aurah properly.. but now since hubby would be getting my 'saham dosa' he definitely gets a say when I choose my dress or blouse.. if I like a design, I'd ask for his opinion.. now if I go shopping, he'll have to come with me so I don't buy things he won't allow me to wear later.. clever eh? 

6. Spending Money

I was lucky enough to receive education fund from Yayasan Bank Rakyat so each semester I have about RM4k+- to spend after deduction for university fee payment.. I never actually cared to save, all I did was spend spend spend.. the first time I got the backdated payment for the previous 3 semesters, I had almost 9k in my bank account, to which I freaked out with excitement and I bought myself a RM2k phone and a RM700 phone for a friend.. and the money kept drizzling out till the end of the semester, I was left with RM300.. I have no idea where the money went but I couldn't care less.. hahaha, so bad, Najmi!

you would always think that the shared money from a marriage would be managed by the wife, but not in my case.. haha.. my husband is the best money manager I know.. the first 3 months of our marriage was not easy, we had to save a lot, going to work by motorcycle, eating at home, not buying anything we don't need, stuff like that.. my husband helps to make sure we don't overspend on anything and to save as much as we can from our salary so that we can have a better life in the future.. frankly I am thankful he is the opposite of me.. hahaha..

but all in all, I am happy being married to my husband, my best friend.. despite the arguments we have sometimes, I would always find things about him that makes me love him more and more.. it's safe to say that I fall in love with him everyday.. the only thing on my daily to-do list is to make him happy and I hope I have delivered it.. if not, then I guess I'll have to work harder, in sya Allah.. :) 

my advise to those who aren't married yet, don't rush it.. don't rush to get married just because you're jealous of your friends, just because you're pressured by your family, just because you want a child.. the one thing you don't want is to marry the wrong person, to spend the rest of your life with the person who you can live without, who doesn't make you feel special.. it's not wrong to marry late, just remember to marry the person you can't live without because your marriage is a responsibility, not a joy ride.. there will always be some ups and downs, but who your spouse is can make you enjoy or regret the ride.. all in all, I wish you all the best in finding your soul mate, cause you deserve great things in life.. :)


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