in the midst of madness

Mood : Confused

Assalamualaikum and hello awesome peeps!

I don't really know the exact purpose of this post, probably just for me to find and outlet to vent.. so yeah, new year.. 2013.. it will be an epic year for me, the changing of status from single to married.. I guess I haven't thought about it much before, but now it's getting so close (30 days and counting), I'm starting to feel..... worried.. there's a lot of things that aren't competed yet, hantaran, wedding invitations, dress fitting, and God knows what else..

the preparations aren't fully done by me.. my mum, cousins and my sister help plan and execute a majority of the wedding arrangements, (and thet've been doing a very good job, trust me) I would help out a bit when I am back in Kedah.. coz I'm now working in KL, so I'm not able to help much.. but before I started work in December, I did manage to do a lot of stuff la, not saying I ignored the preparations completely.. sometimes I feel bad about it but there isn't much I could do from afar.. I just hope everything would be done in time, with only a month away, I'm starting to feel light headed..

you know how people say once you're close to the wedding day you tend to get cold feet? and that you might cancel the wedding and refuse to marry on the day itself? well, I for one know I'm NOT going to do that, but I'm not gonna lie and say I'm not scared.. the responsibilities I would need to carry once I'm a wife is a lot.. I know I can do it Insya Allah, but would I be good at it? would I be good in taking care of my husbands clothes, food and other necessities? perform my duties as the perfect wife? I like to cook, but I hate doing the dishes, especially with clogged sinks.. and I despise doing laundry and ironing, I usually get my mum or sisters to do them for me.. LOL.. and the whole sharing your whole life with someone - living in the same house, breathing the same air, having someone next to you when you open your eyes in the morning - oh my, that is scary yet wonderful at the same time..  :)

so yeah, here I am in the midst of the madness of getting married, the tasks I have to complete at work, and the thoughts of life after marriage, looming in my head.. the pressure is on, but I'm not sure with whom I share this pressure with..

30 days and counting

my perfect imperfections

Assalamualaikum..

felt like blogging today.. I'm not a perfect person, I'm FAR from perfect.. I have zits and acne scars on my face, huge teeth and I laugh weird.. I talk fast when I'm nervous and I'm sarcastic, but I don't mind if you're sarcastic with me.. I'm not as sensitive or romantic like the other girls and I have more guy friends than girl friends.. I like cats and wish to adopt a tiger as my pet.. I like to talk to myself, I pretend that my phone is my boyfriend, I'm less than patient, I shout at random times and I don't like to do the dishes.. I think I'm funny but sometimes I'm really not.. my mum gets mad at me when I don't hang my clothes properly and my room isn't always tidy.. I'm not a good cook and I don't know how to make a dress like a fashion designer.. I like to waste time on the internet and stalk people on Facebook.. I love to smile and I don't always remember peoples names coz my memory isn't all that great.. I'm not skinny and I can't wear an S size dress or pants.. my thighs are huge and my stamina isn't great.. I sometimes have mood swings but you won't get to see them because I don't always show them to you.. I'm not perfect, i'm perfectly imperfect..

I know I'm lucky to have great friends and family who understands the real me, yet I feel like my life is incomplete.. I'm a lover, not a fighter.. yet I make the same mistakes in life when it comes to love.. and I'm tired, my heart is tired.. I want to forget you, forget the feelings I ever had for you, I really do.. I want my fairy tale ending, but I'm tired..

p/s : my heart is in lock down mode until I'm ready to fall in love again, or until I meet that person.. thanks.. =)

Exams exams, the life of a student

Mood : hungry

Assalamualaikum and hello awesome peeps!.. don't ask me where I went or why, it's too long a story to share.. I'll get back to you about that one day, you know, if I actually find the time.. hahaha..

currently UUM is having its final exams, and of course, as a student, you're supposed to attend your exams in order to test what you've picked up and understood from your classes during the whole freaking semester.. so anyway, I'm currently taking 6 subjects; Entrepreneurial Skills and Behaviour, Franchise Management, Business Plan, Family Business, Social Science and Product and Operation Management.. I've passed the first 3 subjects, Alhamdulillah, not as bad as I thought it would be.. now waiting to answer the next 3 subjects on 20th, 23rd and 26th May..

so yeah, this is pretty much a blog post I sneaked in between my study time, you know, coz I was bored and missed talking to internet peeps.. hahaha..

and another thing I noticed was, my 1st vlog on youtube got a lot of buzz.. more negative compared to positive.. COOL HUH?? hahaha.. EPICNESS! some gave ideas and comments for me to improve my vlog, but others were just plain mean!.. but I love em anyway, coz they took their time to watch my vlog, so that's cool.. haha.. thanks webbies and youtubers!! ^^

for those who haven't watched my first ever vlog, you can click here... it's not my best work, but hey, it's just a start right?.. my vlog got 33,423 views, 70 comments, 27 likes and 103 dislikes!.. talk about EPIC!.. hahaha! XD

I'm actually thinking of doing another vlog, but haven't figured out the topic yet.. gonna start filming after my exams, so yeah, maybe some of you awesome people can give me some ideas to get me going.. hehehe..

okay, I'm gonna go study now.. yosh!! wish me luck for my 3 papers ya! ^^

I'm in class now, leave a message

Mood : grumpy

Assalamualaikum and hello fellow blog readers!

today has not been a great day.. I'm quite stressed and due to my stress, I have become moody and grumpy this whole day.. things that I wanted to get accomplished had to wait on the sidewalk, while I steer my car around the curb.. it really is stressful, and my mood is not making it any easier to cope with..

my friends have noticed the absence of a smile on my lips, or the twinkle that I usually have in my eyes, or the fact that I don't talk much today.. and yeah, that's what happens every time when I'm not in the mood.. you'll always see me with a smile, but you'll rarely see me with a frown..I guess today is your lucky day.. but I doubt it has anything to do with the time of the month.. I think I'm just going through a hard time of the day or something.. sighhhh~~

whatever it is, I have to put a strong front.. I'm a leader, and people look up to me for guidance and support.. I have to be a good role model for others as others have been a good role model to me too.. I can't get emotional over things that are petty or seem unimportant.. but alas, I am only a human.. and I do have feelings that I sometimes feel like it is being disregarded.. sighhh, ya Allah, give me strength.. (=__=;;

so yeah, I'm in class now, updating my blog.. just a place to vent out a little.. no worries, my lecturer is doing discussion, so he's okay with my going online and updating my blog.. errr, but I didn't ask him la.. hehehehe..

later awesome peeps! (^^,)

aku cuma nak bagitau

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Aku tengah stress..

='(

tolong gembirakan aku, boleh?

life update

Mood : hype!

Assalamualaikum and hello awesome peeps!.. I just want to update you guys about my life, but I'm currently swamped with mid term tests, assignments, and SIFE stuff.. I'll try to update later tonight or maybe tomorrow.. and I'll even tell you guys why I'm super hyped and happy!.. wheeee!~~ (^^,)

I love my family! =D

what does iPhone and horses have in common?

Mood : sleepy

I have to wake up early tomorrow and study for my 2nd last final exam of the semester, Entrepreneurial Finance..

eh, tomorrow apa kejadah, pagi jap lagi lah..

my carry mark for this subject isn't that high, and I really have to strive to get an A..

it's gonna be a long day tomorrow, I mean today, preparation for Tuesdays exam..

whee!~

(^^,)

now back to my topic, what does iPhone and horses have in common?..

it's simple..

try to figure it out..

really, cuba lah, kau kan pandai SPM dapat 18 straight A's..

hehehe..

the answer is simple,

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I want both of them~

(T^T)

I suddenly have this burning urge to own an iPhone after meeting a guy who had one..

OMG, smart gila weih!!

perghh, cair coklat dalam peti ais tengok iPhone nih..

I so badly want one..

so I went on a research frenzy on Google to find the cheapest original iPhone..

and the cheapest price, is not cheap in my book..

RM1990.90 for 8GB..

uhuk uhuk~~

terbatuk tersedak wa cakap sama lu, but this definitely is on my wishlist..

I think to get a copycat version of iPhone would either be China iPhone or Malaysian CSL made, but I have no idea how much they cost..

anyone know the price?..

share please!

(^^,)

and I badly want to ride my horse again..

I want to feel the wind in my face as my horse, Martina trots and canter into the sunset..

I want to go horse riding again, I so fcuking miss it..

however I am unable to due to finals and lack of money to extend my classes..

have to pay RM150 first, which I currently don't have..

sangat sedih kan?..

ufufufu!~~

Martina must be effin missing me..

I miss u too dear!

I'll visit you after finals, and I'll bring lots of carrots..

love you lots!..

(^3^)

okay, I'm off..

later awesome peeps..

wish me luck for my Entrepreneurial Finance paper this coming Tuesday..

coz I need all the luck I can get..

thanks!

(^^,)

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shining star~~

colour

Mood : pink

I've been eying people who colour their hair..

well, personally, I like my original hair colour, which is black, but what if I were to colour it?..

let's say...

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pink?

it'll match my blog colour..

comel tak?..

=P

ahahahaha..

I tried, I honestly did..

Mood : ignored

I want to be happy again..

right now I'm just wearing a mask, a happy mask..

I smile and laugh when it seems to be needed..

I crack jokes and make other people smile..

when in truth, I just want to cry..

yes, I've been secretly crying these past few days, but don't tell my mum..

nah, she'll read this anyway, so who cares?

my heart isn't happy..

I feel lost, and think about weird things at times..

heh, ironic how negativity found a new friend this new year..

I want my positivity back..

I want to smile, and laugh, and MEAN IT..

I don't like to be plastic anymore..

I want to be happy..

I want to be happy, just like you..

you're happy now, aren't you?

yeah, I bet you are..

*sigh*

once upon a time, I was happy..

but will my happiness return tomorrow?..

or the next day?..

or the day after that?..

will I mean my every smile after this?..

we'll never know..

so much for a bright 2010 huh?..

sumpah, ironi gila!

heh..

p/s :- I tried, I honestly did.. whatever it is, whatever I did to push you away, I'm honestly sorry, from the bottom of my broken heart.. and I never told anyone about our conversation.. it's still our secret.. now it's up to you for the next step..

p/s/s :- I have always hated goodbyes.. you know that, right?..

once upon a time

Mood : contemporary




there's a story..
in everyone..
but mine is just a tad bit complicated..
care to figure me out?..


-end-

rampaging hormones

Mood : alone

look at this picture..

this is me..

don't I look happy?..

shit..

the picture of me is lying..

I'm depressed..

yes, I'm emotional..

can't help it since I'm a woman..

pfttt..

whatever it is, I just want to say I'm truly sorry..

we may have different views on certain issues and things but it doesn't mean that we can't be friends..

besides, arguments always make it interesting for us..

don't you agree?..

hurmmm..

just, find me when you forgive me..

till then......

I'll be here, depressed..

*sigh*

sorry..

heh, good mood to start a new year huh?..

whatever..

later~~

p/s :- don't ask why or who, coz I'm not telling..

all the maybes in the world

Mood : sleepy

I've noticed that I usually blog before I go to sleep..

I don't know why tho, maybe it's coz I get the mood right then n there, all 'mamai'..

I have nothing much to blog about as of recent, just things related to my life that I dunno how to share em with here..

I dunno, a lot of things are in my head right now, and mostly jumbled and mixed together..

they're tangled, and I can't pull em apart..

maybe that's my life right now, and all I have to do is one simple thing..

CHANGE..

maybe being who I am right now is not the best thing..

maybe there's more I can do with my life, things that I haven't done or tried yet..

maybe I have to change the ways I do things in my life, to make it more stable..

maybe I need support other than my family..

maybe I need someone..

maybe..

great, more things to think about..

haishh..

and I noticed that I've been evil and insensitive to other people as of late..

I meant more evil, since I'm already evil to begin with..

hoho..

sometimes accidentally, sometimes purposely..

I don't mean to do that, but it's a slip of the tongue..

maybe even wrong choice of words..

but whatever it is, I'm truly deeply sorry if I hurt you..

please accept my deepest apologies..

I'm sorry..

ok lah, I'm off..

I'd like to wish everyone a happy Awal Muharam..

what's your new year resolution?..

night awesome people..

love you guys..

(^^,)

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shining star~~

Mafia Family

Mood : what are you looking at??!

I was seriously thinking of writing a review for the movie 2012, but my mood is just not here yet..

haishhh..

but the movie was kicking ass!!

worth every penny, I must say..

reasons?..

I'll tell you in my review later, if I ever write one..

seriously la, I have no mood what-so-ever..

don't ask me why, I just don't feel that upbeat..

so, just to post a question..

WHO IS MORE ROMANTIC, MEN OR WOMEN?..

please state the reasons for your choice..

thanks..

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shining star~~

last of my WAR!

Mood : anticipating

*can you read it?*

last paper for my first semester in UUM..

war about

= Managerial Maths

date of war

= today (20th Nov 09)

time of war

= 8.30pm

venue of war

= Dewan Tan Sri Osman, UUM

equipments needed for war

= calculator, pen, liquid paper, pencil, eraser, BRAIN

attire for war

= bikini

WTF??

bikini in an air conditioned room?..

frost bite prone..

haishhh..

pray for my sanity..

(-___-"

it might be a bumpy ride, but it's the LAST ride for this semester..

wuhoooo!!

ok, done..

*runs back to book and sits quietly*

shhhhh, keep your voice down please..

bookworm practicing the art of ninjutsu..

hah!

XD XD XD

ok, dah banyak merepek..

adios!

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shining star~~

time

Mood : (-_-"



Ethnics Relations final semester paper..




11th November 09...



DPM (4) FTM..




2.30pm..






another 2 hours..











what the F am I doing online??!



ok, bye..
(^^,)
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supernatural things are real!!

Mood : missing you..

(T^T)

ok, this entry was actually a somber one where I tell you guys that I'm stressed and wanna take a break from blogging..

but I was YM-ing with my bro, abg Ejay just now and I got my mood back..

how?..

I told him MY ghost story..

a true story that happened to me when I was 18, during the year 2006..

wanna know what happened?..

this is MY TRUE GHOST STORY

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it happened during my KPMM orientation in july 2006..

we had to go into a jungle, Hutan Simpanan Ayer Keroh, Malacca..

supposed to stay for 3 days 2 nights..

tp first night dah huru hara..

mlm tu, around 11, the ajk's told everyone that we were gonna play the game 'burung hantu'..

this game is played whereby they leave students at one place for a certain time alone, all by themselves..

the idea itself was scary, let alone living through it..

and to top it off, there were spreading rumours of people dying in the forest..

cam siot ahh, abes students pompuan scared..

nak dijadikan cerita, there was this girl, Jannah..

she has the gift to see ghosts..

so masa ajk's were rounding up students to start the activity, Jannah started screaming and running madly into the forest..

everyone else was spooked, some started crying and others prayed for their lives..

and then we suddenly heard something that made all our hairs at the back of our necks stand up..

we heard................

AZAN

sumpah, seram gila!!

meremang bulu roma time tu..

some of the ajk's finally caught Jannah before she ran too deep into the forest..

she was screaming hysterically, you should have heard her..

omg, serious takut!!

so the ajk's n lecturers called off the activity and ordered everyone to sit under the tent and recite yasin..

I couldn't pray at that time, making me un-clean and a target for supernatural beings since I'm vulnerable..

so my groupmates gathered around me and 2 others who couldn't pray..

they recited yasin..

I wasn't afraid, becoz my grandma told me,

if you show fear, it'll attract 'them'..

so I was being brave..

but my head was starting to feel heavy..

I asked one of the ajk's for panadol, and he gave me 2..

I swallowed them but my headache wouldn't go away..

so I sat quietly, listening to my friends recite yasin..

my friend next to me, Nadia, was holding my hands, and her hands were ice cold and trembling with fear..

I remembered telling her what my grandma told me, but I never finished the sentence..

all I said to her was..

'nenek aku cakap, kau takleh tunjuk yg kau takut.. kalau tak.....'

and then I paused..

my friend asked, 'kalau tak, apa?..'

but I never responded, I kept quiet, and looked down..

nadia touched my shoulder.. 'najmie, kau ok tak?..'

............silence............

she shook me.. 'najmie!.. kau ok tak nih?.. jawab la!..'

a smile slipped onto my lips, I turned my head and looked at her..

'NAJMIE!!!.. bangun la najmie!!!'

she started slapping me, but the creepy smile was still there on my face..

an ajk, kak Maria, came to me, and talked to me..

'najmie, bangun najmie.. jgn buat akak mcm nih..'

she slapped me a couple of times..

I can still remember the stinging on my face, but no words were uttered from my mouth..

'najmie, mengucap najmie!.. sebut nama Allah!.. ingat Allah, najmie!..'

.............. silence .............

again, more slapping..

gosh it hurts!

suddenly, the whole tent went haywire!

8 people were posessed at the same time!!..

high pitch screaming could be heard, and also a few growls..

all the others who weren't possessed started to run away, back to their tents, screaming like mad from fear..

the guys stayed back, helping with things like holding down the posessed, and taking turns untuk azan kat telinga..

what happened to me?..

yes, you guessed it right, I was also possessed..

but the funny thing was, I can still remember everything vividly..

why?..

because I was conscious while I was possessed..

guess the ghost wasn't strong enough to overpower me completely..

I was aware of everything, but have no control over my body..

masa kak maria suruh mengucap, I wanted to, I even opened my mouth..

but I couldn't utter anything, and I forgot how to mengucap..

all i wanted to do was run away..

the feeling of wanting to run was so empowering in me..

to run into the woods and never come back out..

that's what I felt when I was being possessed..

6 guys had to hold me down and restrain me from getting up..

I was trashing all over the place, wanting to be released..

I screamed and kicked and fought everyone who held me..

I wanted to RUN!!!

let me go!!!

after a while, everything in my body went limp..

and I started seeing stars..

I was so exhausted I could barely lift a finger..

Kak Maria and Nadia who had been fatihfully at my side helped me up and fed me some water and bread..

seems like I was the first to snap out of being possessed..

gosh, I guess I'm strong after all!

haha..

after the incident, everyone was really protective of me..

the guys who held me down sat with me and accompanied me..

but truthfully, they just wanna be there for me in case I was re-possessed..

they told me that I nearly got away because I was so strong..

oii, mestilah, 3 tahun dok ber-Taekwondo kot..

huhuhu..

and they shared some jokes with me to take my mind off the other possessed people who were screaming and the sound of Azan in the tent..

everytime I kept quiet and looked disconnected from the world, they'd pull me back into the conversation..

'so najmie, awak dah ada pakwe belum?..'

'awak, awak minat sapa, dia ka saya?.. sapa lagi hensem?..'

'awak dahaga tak?.. nih air untuk awak.. minum tau, nnt awak lebih bertenaga..'

oh my friends, thanks for caring about me, you guys are the best!

=')

--------------------------------------------------------

so that's my real ghost story..

I never actually saw the ghost that possessed me, but my friend, Jannah did..

she said there were loads of them there in the woods, all scary looking and preached on the trees, looking at us with their red beady eyes..

the night that she screamed and ran away was because a ghost was chasing her..

hey, wouldn't you run if you see it too?..

all the above is true, i'm not lying..

after this incident, I sometimes get visits from these 'supernatural things'..

they never show me their faces, they just come to me in my dreams and bother me..

siot betul..

how do they bother me?..

well, that's another story..

hehe..

oh, this is just a selingan..

I will update later about my convo..

don't worry, you'll get to see me in my convo robe..

hehehe..

till then,

take care awesome people!!

(^^,)

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shining star~~